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Asking honest-to-goodness questions about who you are in your intimate relationship can only give you more clarity and end in a healthier and even more intriguing relationship.
With clarity comes a keener sense of the role you currently play, how you play that role, and how effectively.
In fact you may even discover some roles that you are playing that you definitely should not be playing because quite frankly, they are relationship killers.
So it definitely is a good idea to from time-to-time look yourself in the eye and ask yourself about the you in your relationship. The answers sometimes can be very revealing.
Here are some questions, somewhat tongue-in-the-cheek, but nevertheless capable of producing serious answers that you may want to ponder in your relationship.
The questions are written in the context and format to deliberately cause you to lighten up and get your thinking going so you can be honest in your answers without taking yourself too seriously or dreading the resulting answers.
Answer these questions honestly and it’s a guarantee that you will be better equipped to have a more intriguing relationship by tonight.
- What Am I Revealing In My Relationship? If I were a book, would my partner be intrigued by what is found between my covers or would he or she just want to put me back on the shelf after reading a few of my pages? This is really a question about being aware of what you are projecting to your partner in your daily interactions. We are all human, and we tend to get bored with sameness.No joke! But, do you know what is really boring, and in fact just plain off-putting? – Fake, or to be more generous, Pretense.
The take-away from this question? – Be genuine. Be trustworthy. Be real. Be authentic.
Even you will be surprised at times at how intriguing you can be by just being authentic.
- Where Does My Beauty Lie? Here is the quick answer – Where I lay it. Do you infuse your relationship with beauty beyond your own physical beauty? Do you seek to make your relationship a place of beauty for you and your spouse or is it too often an ugly space for you both?
What should you be thinking about with this question? – Your words, your communication, your sense of understanding and accommodation, and compromise.
Angry, bitter words are unattractive. An unwillingness to compromise creates resentment. Not being understanding but just wanting what you want displays selfishness.
If these are in your relationship, it will become easier to fix them when you get clarity about what they create.
The main take-away from this question – even if you are endowed with physical beauty, that may have little or nothing to do with the beauty you and your spouse find in your relationship.
It is up to you to endow your relationship with the beauty you desire to experience within it.
- Is My Relationship Built On Sand or Rock? This is an important one. Sometimes people just fall into relationships without having a sufficient understanding of what that relationship is really about.Is your relationship about mainly feelings or mainly principles? Hopefully it is about principles, because feelings can be fleeting and sometimes fickle and will desert you when you most need a solid ground on which to stand.
Talk about your values, the ones you share and even the ones you do not necessarily share.
Do not take for granted that you both are aware of these values. In fact talking about them from time to time will render them more important to each of you and they will be more embedded in your relationship.
- Would Anyone Watch My Back? This is a tough one, because it speaks to who you are even beyond your relationship. The thing is, whoever you are beyond your relationship is likely to be seen by your spouse also.In short, do you foster loyalty outside of your relationship? – Among friends, among family?This is important because it speaks to your character in some way and few of us are comfortable around people we just happen to love but who seem despised by others. Ouch!
- Can I Rock His or Her Boat? Wow, wow indeed! And that’s exactly the point of this question. Can you create Wow moments for your partner?It can be anything from showing extreme kindness to springing a surprise anywhere – in the bedroom, out in public, on a quiet walk. The where doesn’t matter.
Just shake things up a bit.
- Am I Just The Passenger or Co-driver In My Relationship? Do I just allow my spouse to dictate what happens in my relationship, or do I play an active role?One can have company but still feel lonely. Too many relationships fall into this unfortunate state primarily because at least one partner seems uninterested or is just plain lazy. Intimate relationships are hard work. But they are always work of love if done the right way.
Being a co-driver in your relationship means taking an active role in promoting the things which make the relationship an attractive place to be.
It can be as simple as initiating a date-night, planning a night-out or visiting places you both enjoy going to.
Actively showing an interest in this aspect of the relationship communicates to your partner that you are in fact enjoying the relationship.
- Am I Experiencing Novelty In My Relationship? As human beings we crave experiencing something different from time-to-time. The idea of discovering something new, of experiencing something new can be a really exciting feeling.Unfortunately, too many intimate relationships over time become too familiar and so boredom sets in and that genuine and natural desire for novelty gets fulfilled in some unhealthy manner.But who says an old relationship cannot provide new experiences? Of course you can have all sorts of new experiences in your old relationship.
Have date nights where you do to different places, experience different things.
A great idea is to pretend that you have just met and are going on your first date. Convince yourself that is so and your mind will start to build all those feelings that are novel to that situation.
The main take-away from this question should be that your desire for novelty is only natural and you can definitely find ways to create that novelty within your relationship.
The practice of asking really hard questions of yourself in your relationship may seem daunting at first, but if you have reached this far in this article I’m willing to bet it doesn’t seem so daunting any more.
In fact, you should be definitely more equipped to have an even more enjoyable and intriguing relationship than you now currently have.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to share with you. If you found this article helpful, please share on Facebook so others may benefit also.
Relationship questions, asked and answered honestly, can result in a much more satisfying journey in your relationship.