Been Cheated On – Demand This

Been Cheated On – Demand This

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If you have been cheated on and left with a broken heart and think love is what is going to fix your broken heart, think again. Love will not be enough.

Let me tell you the one thing that will fix it – respect. First, respect for yourself. Then, if you do decide to reconcile, your spouse’s respect for you.

Your So Wrong Thoughts About Cheating

It is so tempting to think that what you need to heal your hurt is love from somewhere.  And worse, it is probably even more tempting to want to lose respect for yourself.  Hold on. Why should you? I will tell you what you are thinking – that you are not worthy because if you were, it would not have happened.

That is such a bunch of hog wash. Someone who has demonstrated that they are not worthy of your respect and love has somehow convinced you that you are not worthy? Do you understand how messed up that thinking is. Get your head on straight.

Respect First, Not Love

What you really desire is not their love, but respect for you. And either they find a way to give it to you or they find a way to leave you. It’s as simple as that.

But do not for a minute think their love is going to cure your pain. It will not.

So, let’s say you decide to reconcile after infidelity. What now? How do you ensure it’s on your terms?

Reconciling After Cheating – Lay Down The Rules

One, do not be too quick to forgive. Yes, I know, forgiving is healthy, but few of us can forgive and maintain a healthy emotional distance. You need a healthy emotional distance from the person who betrayed your trust in order to rebuild that trust and respect.

Reconciling and Rebuilding  Respect – One Rule

Two,  lay down the rules. And here is one you absolutely must not miss – “You cannot be the same person who cheated on me that now wants a relationship with me. You can’t be the person who was with her or him and now want to be with me. You have to change.

Yes, I know that is harsh but you cant have the same values or lack of values that led to the cheating entering into your relationship moving forward. Something has to change, and demonstrably so.

Too often we allow ourselves to focus too much on our hurt and not where we want to go when upheavals happen in our relationship with frustrating results. Being cheated on is certainly not nice and we must recognize it for what it is – it’s either a time for someone to change or for someone to leave.  And love has nothing to do with it.

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Peta Jane Kayes

MBA - Human Resources Management, Author, mother, wife, my passion is relationships and healthy living.

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