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You know, we have all heard the phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, and for those who have been guilty of cheating or being unfaithful in their intimate relationship, it usually sting to hear it put that way. The truth of the matter is, it Is just a phrase. People will use it to their own convenience, to satisfy any perception or belief they have about cheating and infidelity, or to even soothe their hurting heart.
Cheating or infidelity in a relationship hurts, there can be no doubt about that. However if we are going to be responsible in dealing with our failings or our hurt, depending on which side you fall on – victim or perpetrator – we are going to have to be honest with these things.
I do not believe that most people enter into a relationship with the intention to cheat. I believe that most of us who choose to be in a relationship want to be there in an honorable and loving manner. Now, is that to say you do not have people who just couldn’t give a heck about others and how they inflict hurt as long as their whims and fancies are taken care of? No, of course you have people like that. However, that is not what drives most people who do cheat to end up cheating on their spouse. We would love to think that oh, it is just a character issue, but most likely it is not. So what is it?
The truth is a lot of us who end up being in a relationship were just never prepared for what it takes to have a solid, boundless, fulfilling relationship. For most of us, no one, not our parents, not our teachers, not our friends prepared us to have the type of relationship that we aspire for in our hearts. What is worse, our cultural notions feed us with confusing signals about what it takes to have a fulfilling relationship, what it should look like and worse what we should do when we find ourselves in trouble in our relationship.
I believe that most people who choose to be in an intimate relationship, are looking for a place to plug in, simply looking for a place where they can shine in a personal way and do want to stay plugged in for as long as possible. Most people do not want to resort to cheating to fulfill their heart-felt aspirations because eventually that is a dead-end road and sooner or later it will become apparent that it is.
There is a better way, and in my Bikini Relationship Rescue book series I share how I moved my own marriage from the edge of mediocrity to a place where all my heart-felt aspirations for a relationship are now being satisfied.
If you have been on any side of cheating, whether the victim or the perpetrator, or you are at a place in your relationship where it just seems unbearable to be there, you are at this place for a reason – your heart-felt, valid, and irrepressible desires are calling on you to do something to put you where you truly want to be in a relationship and until you do, you are going to be tempted more and more to do something that is going to put you down a dead-end road to frustration.