Cheating In A Relationship – Why Is My Boyfriend Cheating?

Cheating In A Relationship – Why Is My Boyfriend Cheating?

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Cheating in a relationship can be extremely painful. “Why is my boyfriend cheating?” may seem like a silly issue to write about, but I was motivated to write this because in doing research for what is really bothering people in their relationships I came across this question from someone who is genuinely confused about her own situation and the cheating taking place.

Sometimes people just need clarity in order to get to their own answers. Hopefully anyone having an issue with cheating in a relationship will get some clarity from this.

Reasons for Cheating In A Relationship 

Cheating in a relationship takes place for any number of reasons, but when you are on the other side of cheating you are not interested in any number of reasons. If you are a female in a heterosexual relationship and is a victim of cheating, then you would want to know why your boyfriend or husband is cheating. The truth is no one else can give the correct answer to this, except him. And even he may not be able to accurately explain his cheating.

However, there are some general principles associated with cheating in a relationship that you may wish to consider and work your way from there given what you already know about your situation.

  • The core reason behind cheating in a romantic relationship is a desire for something different or for a change. Corny as this sounds, it is true. If there was no desire for some different experience or for additional experience cheating activities would not be pursued. It is as simple as that.
  • Something either in the relationship or outside of the relationship is driving this desire. That desire may not be related to the relationship itself. To say that some desire in the relationship is not being fulfilled would be to assume that whatever desire it is can in fact be fulfilled in the relationship. It may just not be the case.
  • Often the person being cheated on is powerless to do anything to prevent the cheating. Sometimes what is driving the cheating has little or nothing to do with what is going on in the relationship. The person being cheated on has no power to do anything to prevent it as the underlying cause has nothing to do with her. For example, take the husband who cheats on his wife with a prostitute. It could be that for some reason this husband always wanted to experience being with a prostitute for whatever it is in his mind that is worth the risk. There is nothing in this case that the wife could do to prevent the husband from cheating, save from becoming a prostitute herself and then he definitely would not want her as his wife anyway.

Getting An Answer For Cheating 

Using the above principles in their generalities, it may be possible to at least get close to the answer as to why your boyfriend or husband is cheating or has cheated. But cheating can have a mix of complex emotions and motivations behind it so much so that it may be impossible to arrive at a definitive answer to this question.

If you are the victim of cheating then your best approach is not to blame yourself for it. Whatever is going on otherwise, the decisions and actions of your boyfriend or husband who is cheating or has cheated are his responsibility and not yours.

While it may be somewhat cathartic to understand why your boyfriend is cheating or why your husband is cheating, do not burden yourself in trying to come up with an answer as that by itself is only going to result in added trauma to you. If you have a ready and obvious answer, then fine. If you don’t then you don’t. But do not burden yourself with wild guesses because you are very likely to be wrong.

Your Primary Responsibility If You Are Cheated On

Your primary responsibility when you are the victim of cheating in your relationship should be to preserve your own dignity and self-respect. Here is  one effective approach to dealing with cheating in your relationship that will do just that.

For the most part, cheating in a relationship is a fork in the road for both parties, and rightly so. But it can also be a time of renewal and dealing with issues that are detrimental to the relationship.

Peta Jane Kayes

MBA - Human Resources Management, Author, mother, wife, my passion is relationships and healthy living.

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