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Relationship problems can take on different forms in a relationship. For this reason it helps significantly if we get to understand what may be at the root of these problems. Here is a rather brief explanation as to why some of us may be experiencing seemingly insurmountable problems in our relationship.
Our Mistaken Notions Underlying our Relationship Problems
At some level we all want to be treated well, we all want nice things done for us and to us by others. There is nothing wrong with that desire. In an intimate relationship, that desire to be catered to is probably more salient for the simple reason that it tends to validate how we want to feel about the relationship.
Being treated well in any situation tends to make us feel better about ourselves and about the situation, and an intimate relationship is no exception.
However, when we make a direct connection between our satisfaction level with a relationship and how we are treated by our partner, we are likely to develop a mindset that says ‘The better I am treated by you, the more likely I will be highly satisfied in this relationship.’
That is a very wrong and dangerous notion. I have known people who were treated superbly by their partner, yet were still miserable in that relationship until that relationship fell apart.
The Key To Understanding What Really Brings Us Satisfaction
Your highest level of satisfaction within your relationship will happen when and only when you feel completely free to give of your very best in that relationship.
Your highest satisfaction level does not necessarily depend completely on how well you are being treated in your relationship. Your satisfaction level will depend on how well you and your partner create the environment that allows both of you to give of your very best to each other.
Do you see the difference?
Focus on the environment that will make both of you happy and satisfied, instead of what will make you personally happy and satisfied.
For even if your partner is extremely nice to you, treats you like royalty, and does all the things you expect of him or her, in the end your level of satisfaction is going to be subject to how deserving you feel for all of this treatment.
Key To Resolving Relationship Problems – Work To Be Deserving
How deserving can you feel if you yourself are not giving of your best, and your partner is?
A good place to start resolving relationship problems, is to look at the principles on which you both operate or subscribe to. Agree on a few that are important to you both. I did that with my husband and it has worked beautifully for us.
Moreover, what will really make you feel great in your relationship is not necessarily what is coming from someone else. What will make you feel really great is what that relationship motivates you to do, and move you to be.
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