Resolving Jealousy In Relationships

Resolving Jealousy In Relationships

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Resolving Jealousy in relationships can be a very challenging. First jealousy is a danger to any relationship. It not only destroys confidence, attack self-esteem, but destroys relationships. It can be a lonely place because one always feels threatened by some foe. 

Relationships plagued with jealousy are never happy. Jealousy creates an almost self-fulfilling toxic environment in any relationship. Jealousy is not something to be managed. It is something to be avoided. If you want to really feel happy in your relationship, do everything in your power to avoid jealousy taking a hold. 

Once jealousy takes a hold on your relationship, it is hard to have it let go as it becomes a fight against yourself and seldomly, anyone else in reality. 

What Is Jealousy In Relationships

Jealousy is simply driven by a sense of uncertainty, suspicion, and fear. It is not an emotion in itself, but the dangers associated with it is in the types of emotions it gives rise to.

From insecurity to anger to desperation, jealousy can really do great harm to your relationship. Not, only that. It can do great harm to even things outside of your relationship. 

Here are some of the dangerous outcomes jealousy poses for a relationship and indeed your life. 

10 Dangerous Outcomes of Jealousy


Jealousy fosters insecurity because it leaves you doubting your own status in the relationship. You can never be sure if you are as treasured as you desire to be. 

Self-esteem Issues 

Self-esteem is undermined by jealousy because it leaves you questioning your own worth. After-all if you were so great why would your spouse be interested in someone else. 

Trust Issues 

Nothing takes a greater beating in a relationship than trust when there is jealousy. Doubts creep in, everything becomes questionable, your mind creates all kinds of scenarios that may be happening or not even happening. In the end, trust in the relationship suffers greatly. 

Mental Issues 

Being anxious about anything can result in mental issues if this anxiety is not curbed or controlled. With jealousy, the anxiety feeds on itself and becomes harder and harder to control as the jealousy rages on.  

Delusional Behavior 

Believing that any number of things can be happening between your spouse and someone else can lead to all sorts of delusions resulting in behaviors that are based on unfounded evidence or just plain imaginations.  

Anxiety Issues 

Jealousy creates an environment of insecurity and doubt leading to a state of constant anxiety about your relationship and where it is heading.  


Convinced that you are being done wrong, convinced that your spouse is favoring someone over you, you almost have no choice but to feel resentment towards your spouse and even others. You feel like a victim being trampled on and your own self-worth is now being questioned. Naturally, you become resentful. 

Emotional Intimacy

Jealousy can  destroy feelings of closeness, empathy and even compassion. The end-result is that emotional intimacy suffers.

When you feel like someone is disrespecting you, or indulging in behaviors with someone else that compromise the relationship, it is hard to feel very close to that person emotionally.


Under the stress of jealousy, trying to deal with all the negative feelings, you morph into someone that seems unattractive to be around. Pretty soon you become the person your spouse wants to avoid.  


As the jealousy rages on, malcontent sets in. Pretty soon you are even dissatisfied with yourself, even before you get dissatisfied with the relationship. 

Two Steps to Resolving Jealousy In Relationships 

In order to amicably resolve jealousy in a relationship, there has to be deliberate actions aimed at a solution. Getting upset and hot under the collar is not going to help. Both parties have to be honest in approaching the problem. Honest in pinpointing the cause of the jealousy, and honest in finding a solution. 

Any indication that there is a lack of honesty or one-up-manship is going to make the situation unresolvable. 

A simple approach to resolving jealousy, involves first identifying the cause of the jealousy and then relating it in a non-confrontational manner. Doing so sets the stage for honestly dealing with the issue rather than causing a confrontation. 

 1. When You Feel Jealous In Your Relationship – What To Do 

 Being human, we are all going to most likely experience jealousy in a relationship at some time in our life. Very few of us go through life and never experience jealousy. So, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are indeed feeling jealous. What is very important at the outset is to develop a good understanding of why you are feeling jealous. 

How do you do this? Well, it is a challenge when your emotions are driving your thinking, as is likely to be the situation where jealousy is occurring. However, it is of crucial importance that you find the mental clarity to pin down exactly why you are feeling jealous. 

For example, what is the evidence to your feelings? Have you seen solid evidence? Are your feelings based on imaginations? Is suspiciousness driving your feelings of jealousy? Are your previous experiences within the relationship driving the doubts and the jealousy? 

The above questions are important for the reason that they will provide answers as to what and who is responsible for the behavior resulting in the jealousy. 

It could clearly be the behavior of your spouse. However, what if it is not that clear but is more a result of your own personal insecurity? How do you deal with that situation?  

This is why it is so important to nail down exactly what is behind the jealousy. Be honest in getting to your answer because fooling yourself will only result in you dealing with it very badly. 

 2. When You Feel Jealous In Your Relationship – What To Say 

 Having established what is behind the jealousy, it is now time to confront it with your spouse. Note, you are confronting the jealousy, not your spouse. Even if he or she has demonstrated behavior that has led to the jealousy, you should focus on confronting the jealousy rather than your spouse.  

Confronting your spouse instead of the jealousy, will only result in more of a confrontation where you both get overly defensive with little being resolved. 

Before we move on, just note that what we are talking about here is not behavior that would end or seriously damage the relationship. Those behaviors are not about jealousy, but about something else completely.  

We are talking about behaviors that for whatever reason is resulting in one feeling insecure in a relationship and not necessarily one where something has clearly been done to severely damage the relationship. 

If one partner in the relationship has indulged in behavior that amounts to outright betrayal then jealousy is not the issue you want to be looking at.  

So, having nailed down the reason behind the jealousy, what do you say to your spouse? How do you communicate your feelings so that resolution is the result rather than confrontation? 

Here is one sure way to talk about the jealousy you are feeling in the relationship: “I want to talk about how I am feeling. Now, I am not saying it is your fault, but when you do “ABC” (What is driving the jealousy), I feel jealous.” 

That may seem like a simple thing to say, but for most people experiencing jealousy, it is hard. It is hard to admit that you are feeling jealous even where it is completely obvious that you are. But there is hardly a more reasonable approach to state what you are feeling to your partner.  

You are not accusing him or her of doing things that are wrong. You are merely acknowledging that you get jealous when a particular thing happens. 

Will your partner react in a reasonable manner? Most likely no. However, you have correctly set the stage to deal with the jealousy you are feeling.  

If you let this be your guide in the discussion, then you should both arrive at a situation where there is insight into what is happening and hopefully a solution can result. 

 Resolving Jealousy in Relationships Conclusion 

You may have been led to believe that to be jealous is to be weak. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Jealousy in relationships can arise for any number of reasons having nothing to do with mental or emotional strength. One of the core requirements of intimate relationships is security. When that security is compromised or deemed as having compromised, jealousy will naturally arise. 

What is important is how jealousy is dealt with in the relationship. If dealt with properly, using the example above as a guide, it can be resolved amicably saving you from all the terrible things jealousy can do to your life and your relationship. 

Peta Jane Kayes

MBA - Human Resources Management, Author, mother, wife, my passion is relationships and healthy living.

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