“‘Hey, do you want me to look like that?’ pointing at the rather sexy poster girl.
Without hesitation he replied, ‘No, I don’t want you to look like that, I want that to look like you.’“
You can absolutely have the invigorating relationship you desire and book 2 shares 6 principles for getting you there.
How would you describe your relationship today –troubled, mundane, ordinary, or extraordinary?
Have you fallen for the conventional wisdom stuff about relationships that are making your relationship experience troubling, mundane or just ordinary?
Table of Contents
Here Are 6 Relationship Principles That You Can Take To The Bank
Be Authentic, Be Real, Do Not Play Games
If you want to create a deeper connection between you and your partner, then don’t go around creating the environment where the desire to connect with you gets less and less. Don’t play games. Own up to your mistakes. Take responsibility for your errors. Be real, no one is perfect. That is what will create connection between you and your spouse – authenticity. Not an attitude that says, I am right no matter what you may think or no matter the facts; you fool no one, including yourself because that is false.
What you want in your relationship is not someone who is hiding behind a need to be right, because no one knows who that someone is, not you, not your partner. No one with a constant need to be right can really know who they are. That person cannot be interesting because it will just be too difficult to get beyond their constant need to be right.
You want intrigue, and interest that result from someone who is being real, from someone who shows the strength to say ‘I am wrong, you are completely right.’ That attitude itself creates clarity, removes the confusion about who and what you are dealing with, and creates the environment to be more open so that you can experience more interesting stuff between you.
Cultivate Your Best Qualities – They Are Your Sweet Redemption
We all have qualities or characteristics that define us in a positive manner to others. However when for whatever reason these qualities get pushed aside or get buried in the drudgery of every-day life, our faults then begin to define us.
We have to know who we are prepared to be in our relationship without limitations and be prepared to act accordingly. Do you go into your relationship so that you can be limited in who you are? No, you do not. So why should you settle for that?
You do not owe anyone the luxury of being less than you so that they can be less than themselves, because that will be their luxury, not yours. Neither do they owe you the luxury of you being less than yourself in a relationship with them. One of your first requirements in an intimate relationship with anyone should be the freedom to be yourself completely.
There is where you will find your redeeming, unique qualities.
Do not be afraid to exercise your redeeming qualities in your relationship. They are what will bring you more of yourself, and bring more of yourself to the relationship in new and wonderful ways. New and wonderful ways that your partner will have a hard time finding elsewhere.
Be Clear About Who You Are Without Apology
You have to know who you are and who you are asking others to love. If you do not love the person in the mirror, then you are going to be uncomfortable with someone else loving that same person.
When you are not clear about who you are, and what you want to bring to your relationship, then it becomes much more difficult and challenging to make decisions about issues in that relationship. Because how can you successfully resolve issues when you are unaware of what will be a satisfying resolution to you?
The true self cannot be suppressed for long, eventually it will emerge. The only question is in what form will it emerge, what will it be clothed in – in its own fullness, its own clarity or in boundless confusion? Because the deepest desire of that true self is to be honored in all its aspects. In the absence of this honor, self-confidence gets eroded, self-image gets distorted and the result is, well, frustration and dissonance.
You must come to know that true self if you are not to be just a generalization but the special person that only you can be in your relationship. You must know that image as much as the plant knows the soil so that it becomes you fully in your relationship. Then nothing else will turn up in your relationship.
Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate, Especially The Familiar
Ever heard the saying ‘Familiarity breeds contempt?’ Sure you have and we all know what that means. The truth is when we get too familiar with anything, whether in a relationship or not, it tends to command less of our attention. That is not a statement of wrong or right, bad or good; that is just a statement of what it is.
Be honest, who would you tend to take for granted more, a friend or your spouse? I think the honest answer is your spouse. We know why this is, your experiences with your spouse are much wider, much deeper, there is going to be a lot more familiarity and we know what that is likely to lead to. So if we know this, why do we pretend that it is not going to happen? Why not just acknowledge that it will and examine why it results in such negative emotions.
Being taken for granted is not necessarily bad. What is really bad is not being appreciated for the qualities that allow you to be taken for granted
The truth is, there are times in your relationship that you want to be taken for granted and where you want to take your spouse for granted. If that was not so, then where will you have surety, security? The problem is not that you are being taken for granted; the problem is not being acknowledged.
So what is the solution? Establish a practice of showing appreciation in your relationship so that it becomes second-nature. In this relationship environment, it will be easy to celebrate being taken for granted and the thought of being taken for granted will not generate negative emotions or negative connotations.
Where Emotions Are Concerned Your Bedroom Has No Walls
How likely is it that you are going to have a great time in the bedroom when you are having a lousy time outside of it?
Someone once said that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and you know what, I think they are right. Over 90% of your interactions with your spouse take place outside the bedroom and hopefully involve the brain. Think about that.
But even if you are not having a terrible time outside of the bedroom with your spouse and it’s just a humdrum kind of existing out there, what are the chances that your bedroom experience is going to be otherwise, you know, full of the excitement that it should have? Not much of a chance.
Love-making in the bedroom has to be rooted in something outside of the bedroom. It cannot just be ‘That’s the boy, that’s the girl, that’s the bed, and here’s the joy.’ Something has to be going on beyond that – well hopefully. A lot of that something that goes on takes place outside of the bedroom.
Your Body Will Change, But Your Beauty Doesn’t Have To
Physical beauty has its advantages, but it also has its limits. So if you are blessed to be drop-dead gorgeous then good for you. However, know this – aesthetically you have to be more than drop-dead gorgeous to be drop-dead beautiful. While physical attraction plays a huge role in intimate relationships the truth is no one defeats father time. We will all age if we live long enough. Bodies change, where there used to be beautiful hair, thinning hair takes its place; where there was firmness, sagging now sets in.
The man who has gone through the experience of seeing his wife give birth to his 5 children has to learn and condition himself to inculcating that as a part of how he sees her beauty. If all he does is focus on her body he may find that his own sense of where her beauty lies is diminished because child-birth can take a toll on a woman’s body. Physical changes will likely take place.
For the eyes to be put through all of this change and still behold beauty, they have to perceive something beyond the physical. This something cannot be seen by the physical eyes themselves but can only be perceived through a deeper sense of who you are and how you allow others to see you. Be sure you know where your real beauty lies so you know how to forever keep it in your relationship.
Dig Deeper Into The 6 Principles And Experience The Extraordinary Change In Your Relationship
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