“Your objective in an intimate relationship cannot be to be served by anyone. Your objective has to be to be deserving of all that is coming to you.”
Book 1 in the Bikini Relationship Rescue series looks at the beliefs that are most likely at the root of most relationship problems. Changing these beliefs result in changed attitudes and a new way to see your relationship.
At some level we all want to be treated well, we all want nice things done for us and to us by others. There is nothing wrong with that desire. In an intimate relationship, that desire to be catered to is probably more salient for the simple reason that it tends to validate how we want to feel about the relationship. Being treated well in any situation tends to make us feel better about ourselves and about the situation, and an intimate relationship is no exception.
However, when we make a direct connection between our satisfaction level with a relationship and how we are treated by our partner, we are likely to develop a mindset that says ‘The better I am treated by you, the more likely I will be highly satisfied in this relationship.’ That is a very wrong and dangerous notion. I have known people who were treated superbly by their partner, yet were still miserable in that relationship until that relationship fell apart.
Your highest level of satisfaction within your relationship will happen when and only when you feel completely free to give of your very best in that relationship. Your highest satisfaction level does not necessarily depend completely on how well you are being treated in your relationship; your satisfaction level will depend on how well you and your partner create the environment that allows both of you to give of your very best to each other. For even if your partner is extremely nice to you, treats you like royalty, and does all the things you expect of him or her, in the end your level of satisfaction is going to be subject to how deserving you feel for all of this treatment. How deserving can you feel if you yourself are not giving of your best, and your partner is?
Book 1 of the Bikini Relationship Rescue series digs deep into the mindsets that end us causing us all sorts of relationship issues and shows us how to get out of them.
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